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[초등첨삭 26탄] 내 아이 영어 Writing 실력은?

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등록일 2010-04-12 11:07

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아래의 컨텐츠는 초등학생이 직접 작성한 영어작문을 원어민 선생님이 실제로 첨삭지도 한 내용입니다.
또래 아이들의 영어작문 결과를 통해 내 아이 작문기초!! 살~작 엳보는 기회로 활용하세요.
같은주제로 내 아이에게 직접 써보게 하시는 것도 Writing 실력을 Up시키는 좋은 방법입니다.

 

[작문제목]

 Let's talk about the relationship of your friends.

 

[학생작문]

I have many friends and I have many 1. enemy.
I have two best friends.
My best 2. friends name 3. is 4. 김병현 and 안세훈.
They are very kind 5. of me and I 6. kind 7. of 8. them 9. to.
They 10. are in 11. U.S.A. 12. in two 13. year.So they like American 14. game
15. But I'am korean.So I like 16. korean 17. game.
18. In this point we are not 19. congenial.
But we 20. become known 21. three musketeers in school.
22. And I have 23. very bad friend. He 24. is open annoying me.
Once, I fight with 25. he. Win is mine.
26. My good friend is very kind 27. of all.
Once, my leg 28. is 29. brocken, 30. he 31. help me 32. every day
33. But my bad 34. friend 35. with comparison, 36. He is scoundrel.
37. And my academy 38. freind 39. is hit me every day.
It is very 40. pain. 41. But I like 41. them.
I think 42. I'am strange. 43. My enemy is they, but I like 44. them
45. "My friends are listen! don't hit me and don't make fun of me! "


 

[첨삭내용]

Spelling/철자
29. brocken, : broken
Note: Remove th comma.
38. freind : friend
Grammar_Articles(the, a or an)/관사
11. U.S.A. : the U.S.A.
23. very : a very
Grammar_Prepositions(on, at, from, by, to.....)/전치사
5. of : to
7. of : to
12. in : for
18. In : At
35. with : in
Grammar_Conjunction(and, but)/접속사
22. And I : I
30. he : and he
33. But my : My
Grammar_Capitalization/대소문자
16. korean : Korean
41. But : but
Grammar_Conjugation/동사변화활용
3. is : are
10. are : have been
20. become : became
24. is open annoying : openly annoys
28. is : was
31. help : helped
39. is hit : hits
Grammar_Punctuation/부호사용
8. them : them,
32. every day : every day.
34. friend : friend,
42. I'am : I am
44. them : them.
Essay Format_Sentence Structure/문장의 구성
2. friends name : friends
4. 김병현 and 안세훈 : Kim Byeong Hyeon and An Se Hoon
6. kind : am kind
13. year.So : years, so
15. But I'am korean.So : I am Korean, however, so
21. three : as the three
25. he. Win is mine : him and I won
26. My : On the other hand, my
27. of all : all the time
36. He is : is a
43. My enemy is they : They are my enemies
45. "My friends are listen! don't hit me and don't make fun of me! " : I want to tell my friends to listen to me and not make fun of me!
Essay Format_inappropriate Words/단어사용 적절성
1. enemy : enemies
9. to : too
14. game : games.
17. game : games
19. congenial : so close as before
37. And : In addition
40. pain. : painful,
Note: Change the punctuation.
41. them : my friends

 

[강사 Comments]

I hope you and your friends could form the three musketeers again. And it's pretty positive of you to still like people who tease you. Your friends must be fond of you that's why they kid around you. Don't worry, things change when you grow up. You will see then how much friendship you've made. I have a feeling you don't have a hard time making friends. :) 

The article was clear enough to understand. Basic writing rules were observed although you can be more precise with the spelling and punctuation. Take note that when you use an apostrophe ('), you're making words shorter and in the process you lose some letters. We either write "I am" or "I'm" then. Kindly write all words in the English alphabet so that the reader can fully appreciate what you've written. Always check your verbs because sometimes the verbs are not in the proper tense. Remember that if you're describing finished action, you use the past tense, but if you're giving general statements, you use the p


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