Ãßõ 
[ÃʵÀÛ 6ź] ÀÛ¹®½Ç·Â 100¹è ¿Ã¸®±â ÇÁ·ÎÁ§Æ®!!

±Û¾´ÀÌ ¿ÕÆÄÆÄ

µî·ÏÀÏ 2009-12-07 10:12

Á¶È¸¼ö 510

´ñ±Û 0

http://www.suksuk.co.kr/momboard/BEC_001/44897

īī¿ÀÅå īī¿À½ºÅ丮 ºí·Î±× ³×À̹ö¹êµå ÆäÀ̽ººÏ Æ®À§ÅÍ
¾¦¾¦´åÄÄ - ÆÄÀÏ ´Ù¿î·Îµå

ÆÄÀÏÀ» ´Ù¿î·Îµå ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

´ñ±Û ³²±â±â

¾Æ·¡ÀÇ ÄÁÅÙÃ÷´Â ÃʵîÇлýÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ¿µ¾îÀÛ¹®À» ¿ø¾î¹Î ¼±»ý´ÔÀÌ ½ÇÁ¦·Î ÷»èÁöµµ ÇÑ ³»¿ëÀÔ´Ï´Ù.
¶Ç·¡ ¾ÆÀ̵éÀÇ ¿µ¾îÀÛ¹® °á°ú¸¦ ÅëÇØ ³» ¾ÆÀÌ ÀÛ¹®±âÃʵµ »ì~ÀÛ 엳º¸´Â ±âȸ·Î Ȱ¿ëÇϼ¼¿ä.

 

[ÀÛ¹®ÁÖÁ¦ÀÔ´Ï´Ù]

 Your city has decide to build a statue or monument to honor a famous person in your country. Who would you choose?

 

[ÇлýÀÌ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ Essay ¿ø¹®ÀÌ¸ç »¡°£Ç¥½Ã´Â ¿ø¾î¹Î ¼±»ý´ÔÀÌ Ã·»è(¼öÁ¤)ÇÑ ºÎºÐÀÔ´Ï´Ù]

 1. I'll choose Ban Gi 2. Mun person. Because he is 3. a 4. UN president and he is 5. a first 6. UN president in korea. However, 7. buliding 8. statue is very expensive and difficult. But if I bulid his statue, people must respect 9. to him. So people spend money to see 10. him, I earn much money. Still I'll use that money for good 11. works. For instance, I'll help the poor people, give much money to my parents, and contribute for my nation. Therefore, 12. that 13. is very nice 14. choosing. Another reason is 15. our nation 16. don't have a Ban Gi Mun statue.

 

[¿ø¾î¹Î ¼±»ý´ÔÀÇ À¯Ç÷º° ÷»è³»¿ëÀÌ¸ç ¾î¶»°Ô ½á¾ß ´õ ¾Ë¸ÂÀº Ç¥ÇöÀÎÁö ¾Ë ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ´ë¸ñÀÔ´Ï´Ù]

 

Spelling/öÀÚ
7. buliding : building
Grammar_Articles(the, a or an)/°ü»ç
3. a : the
5. a : the
8. statue : a statue
Grammar_Prepositions(on, at, from, by, to.....)/ÀüÄ¡»ç
9. to him : him
Grammar_Conjunction(and, but)/Á¢¼Ó»ç
Grammar_Capitalization/´ë¼Ò¹®ÀÚ
Grammar_Conjugation/µ¿»çº¯È­È°¿ë
13. is : are
16. don't : doesn't
Grammar_Punctuation/ºÎÈ£»ç¿ë
Essay Format_Sentence Structure/¹®ÀåÀÇ ±¸¼º
2. Mun person. Because : Mun because
4. UN president : Secretary-General of the UN
6. UN president in korea : Korean UN Secretary-General
10. him, I : him and I
15. our : that our
Essay Format_inappropriate Words/´Ü¾î»ç¿ë ÀûÀý¼º
1. I'll : I'd
11. works : work
12. that : those
14. choosing. : choices.

 

[ÇлýÀÌ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ÀÛ¹®¿¡ ´ëÇØ ¿ø¾î¹Î ¼±»ý´ÔÀÌ ¾Æ·¡¿Í °°ÀÌ ÄÚ¸àÆ®¸¦ ³²°Ü Áּ̳׿ä]

Hello there! Your details are relevant and quite informative since you have stated who you'd choose and why. You were also able to give information about this person. You should just be able to add more details to supprot your opinion. Surely, you have more ideas. Also, try to develop your introduction and conclusion because they are brief. Then use transition words to logically organize all your details and make them flow smoothly. Avoid fragments and follow the subject-verb agreement (singular subject-singular verb). Capitalize proper nouns as well. You have the necessary details. Check the corrections though so you can avoid committing the same mistakes. Good luck next time


¸¶ÀÌ ÆäÀÌÁö > ½ºÅ©·¦ºÏ¿¡¼­ È®ÀÎÇÏ½Ç ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù. ¼ÒÁßÇÑ ±Û¿¡ °¨»ç ´ñ±Û ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.

0
  Ãßõ      
·Î±×ÀÎ ÈÄ µ¡±ÛÀ» ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸ Ãßõ
29310

 <¸®´õ½º300>57ÀÏ(166/159)

[3]
¾ÆµÑ¸¾ 2009/12/07 353 0
29309

 Ã³À½Çϴ°Ŷó..

[1]
ÇöÀ̸¾ 2009/12/07 243 0
29308

 ¼ÛÆÄ¾î¸°À̵µ¼­°ü ¿µ¾îÃ¥ ¸¹ÀºÁö¿ä?

[5]
Äí۸¾ 2009/12/07 722 0
29307

 [¸®´õ½º 100 ÇÁ·ÎÁ§Æ®]´Ê¾úÁö¸¸ Àúµµ Âü¿©ÇÏ°í ½Í¾î¿ä.

[4]
ÆÄ¶û»õ 2009/12/07 299 0
29306

 ¾ö¸¶Ç¥°¡ ¾ÆÀÌÇ¥°¡ µÇ´Â ³¯±îÁö¸¸ ÇÒ·¡¿ä

[25]
Á¾Ã¤¸¾ 2009/12/07 1,264 4
29305

 @ÁýÁßµè±â¹Ý °øÁö»çÇ×ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.@

[82]
ºêÁÕ@ Áý.. 2009/12/07 7,656 9
29304

 <¸®´õ½º300> 35,36,37,38,39

[3]
ÀëÀë¯ 2009/12/07 221 0
29303

 Á¤¸» °¨»çÇÏ´Ù´Â ¸», µå¸®°í ½Í¾ú½À´Ï´Ù..

[5]
³­¾ö¸¶´Ù.. 2009/12/07 564 0
29302

 [È«¹Ú»ù TVƯ°­ µÎ¹øÂ°]11ÀÏ ²À ì°Üº¸¼¼¿ä~

[3]
¿î¿µÀÚ 2009/12/07 511 0
29301

 [¸®´õ½º 100 ÇÁ·ÎÁ§Æ®] Àúµµ ´Ê°Ô ½ÃÀÛÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

[3]
¹ÎÁ¤¸¾ 2009/12/07 336 0
29300

 ¿¬»ê¸¸ ½ÃŰ°Ô µÇ¸é ¿ä·¸°Ô µÈ´Ù³×¿ä..

[30]
»¡°­¸Ó¸®.. 2009/12/07 8,516 9
29299

 ¿µ¾î ´õºùµÈ ÀϺ»¸¸È­ (¹ßÀ½¿¡ ¹®Á¦ ¾ø³ª¿ä?)

[3]
¼Ò½É¸¾ 2009/12/07 876 0
29298

 <¸®´õ½º ÇÁ·ÎÁ§Æ®> 300 56ÀÏ

[6]
¼ö´Ù¸¾ 2009/12/07 237 0
29297

 ÃÊ2 ³² ´ìÀÇ ÀÚ³à´Â ¾î¶§¿ä?

[1]
ÀßÇÏÀÚ 2009/12/07 881 0
29295

 [ÃʵÀÛ 6ź] ÀÛ¹®½Ç·Â 100¹è ¿Ã¸®±â ÇÁ·ÎÁ§Æ®!!

¿ÕÆÄÆÄ 2009/12/07 510 0
29294

 [¸®´õ½º300ÇÁ·ÎÁ§Æ®] 44~50ÀÏ

[5]
½´°¡·é 2009/12/07 265 0
29293

 [¸®´õ½º 300 ÇÁ·ÎÁ§Æ®] - 57ÀÏ

[44]
Á¾Ã¤¸¾ 2009/12/07 621 0
29292

 ¸ÅÁ÷Æ®Á÷ÀÇ Áýµè ¹æ¹ý¿¡ ´ëÇÏ¿©^*^

[1]
¿À¸®64 2009/12/07 1,017 0
29291

 ¿µ¾îÃ¥ Àб⠽¬¿îÃ¥? ¾î·Á¿îÃ¥? ¼öÁØÀâ±â°¡ ¾î·Á¿ö¿ä

[1]
´©¸®¸¾ 2009/12/07 754 0
29290

 ¿ùµåÄÄ ´ÙÀ½ ¾î¶²Ã¥À¸·Î?

[2]
ÇϾḾ 2009/12/06 761 0