쑥쑥몰
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모두들 건강히 잘 지내고 계시지요.
오랜만에 인사드리려니 참 쑥스럽기 그지없네요.
그러게 자주자주 나와야 어색함도 없는 법인데 몇 가지 바쁜 일들이 겹쳐서 한동안 컴 앞에 앉기가 힘들었어요.
그래도 틈틈이 반가운 몇 분들의 글을 쓱싹 훔쳐보고 빨랑 나가고 그런 식으로 쑥을 완전히 놓지는 못하고 살았던 것 같아요.
다름 아니라 이번에 영광스럽게도 writing 체험단에 당첨 되어서 두 번의 체험 기회를 갖게 되었거든요. 부족하지만 후기를 함 올려 볼까 합니다.^^;;;
쑥에서 야심차게 준비한 이번 프로젝트에 반가운 마음과 더불어, 기획해 주신 관계자 분들께 무한한 감사를 드리고 싶어요.
지금의 시점에 아주 절실했거든요.
한동안 작가가 꿈이라며 계속 써대던 아이가 쓸 말도 쓸 여유도 없는 듯 지내길래 초조함이 들던 참이었어요.
엄마의 마음이 간사해서 마구 써대기만 할 때는 좀 읽고 들어 줬으면 싶고,
또 쓰기에 소홀한 듯하니 뭐라도 좀 써 줬으면 하면서 초조해지고 그렇더군요.
쓰기에 관한 한 이렇게 오래 공백이 있었던 적이 없던 것 같은데 마침 이번 이벤트가 있었고 두 번의 체험 후에 다시 아이가 쓰기의 즐거움을 발견했는지 학급 친구들이랑 작가 클럽이란 것을 만들어(물론 이건 한글로...) 책 만들기에 몰두하고 있답니다.
친구들은 재미난 액티 쯤으로 생각하는 것 같아요. 다들 서로 하겠다고 난리라네요.
상의해서 하나의 이야기를 만들기도 하고, 나누어서 부분부분 만들어 붙여 보기도 하고, 그림 담당 쓰기 담당 나눌 때도 있구요.
전에 쓰던 영어 소설이란 것도 다시 쓰기 시작했어요.
헉~ 또 부작용은 읽는 시간이 늠후늠후 줄고 있다는 거지요^^;;;
토플 주관사인 ETS의 에세이 자동평가 시스템과 원어민 tutor의 세심한 첨삭이 어우러진 writing 체험을 잠깐 들여다 보시지요.
기계 첨삭과 사람이 하는 첨삭은 각각의 장단점이 있는데 두 가지가 한데 어우러짐으로 해서 상호보완되는 점이 무엇보다 큰 장점이라고 할 수 있겠습니다.
글쓰기 유형은 Essay와 Non Essay로 나뉘어집니다.
Essay는 서론 한 문단, 본론 두 세 문단, 결론 한 문단의 형식, 최소 180 단어, 보통은 250 단어 이상이 요구되고, 오직 에세이 형식의 작문에만 ETS e-rater의 에세이 점수가 제공됩니다.
Non-essay는 비교적 가벼운 형식의 글쓰기로 e-rater 에세이 점수는 제공되지 않고 배정된 쑥쑥 Writing Tutor의 평가 점수만이 제공됩니다.
아이가 제출한 Essay의 첨삭 결과를 보면서 말씀드릴게요
Title--- Dog Park
Text Type---- Essay
Essay Topic--- A new park is about to open in the neighborhood. Some of the people want the park to be "dog-friendly." They want a place where owners can take their dogs and let their dogs play without wearing leashes. Other people want the park to require leashes on dogs at all times.
What do you think? Why? Write an essay to convince readers that your position is correct.
토픽은 여러 가지 제시된 것 중에서 고를 수 있습니다.
E-rater® Holistic Score
*out of 6
총 6점 중 *점이라는^^;;; 제가 점수들은 *처리 했어요.(부끄부끄)
그래도 여러 코멘트나 에러 수를 보시면 참 보잘 것 없다는 걸 눈치채실 수 있겠습니다.
non essay에는 이 점수가 제공되지 않는답니다.
Provides clear ideas, but not fully developed; may have few details.
Provides a clear order of information; provides p***es of information that are generally related to each other.
Generally has simple sentences; may display uneven control over sentence structure.
Contains mostly simple word choices but may show some examples of good word choices.
Contains errors in grammar, spelling, capitalization, and punctuation that generally do not prevent understanding.
E-rater® Writing Trait Analysis
Grammar 2 errors 1 Fragment or Missing Comma
1 Proofread This!
Usage 3 errors 2 Missing or Extra Article
1 Wrong Form of Word
Mechanics 1 error 1 Spelling
Style 15 comments 15 Repetition of Words
† The e-rater® holistic score is given by ETS’s automated scoring engine, e-rater®, that models standard rubrics U.S. public school teachers tend to use for scoring student essays at a given grade level. Roughly speaking, when the level is set at 8 or 9th grade, the e-rater holistic score (1 to 6 points) is equivalent to a holistic score (0 to 5 points) obtained from the Independent Writing Task of the TOEFL® test. For instance, a score of 5 from e-rater set at 8 or 9th grade roughly matches a score of 4 from TOEFL’s Independent Writing Task.
‡ Errors and comments reported here were generated from the e-rater® automated evaluation system, and then carefully reexamined for accuracy by the assigned tutor when creating the final diagnostic feedback report
Name *** Scoring Standard US 4th Grade 아이는 3학년이지만 4학년부터 grade가 주어지기 때문에 편의상 4학년으로 기록했습니다. 미국 공교육 학년을 의미하기 때문에 우리의 학년과도 또 다른 개념이고 아이의 수준에 따라 달리 기입할 수 있겠습니다. 그것이 중요한 채점 기준이 되고 미국 8, 9 학년 정도 수준으로 채점이 되었을 때 TOEFL 시험의 Writing 점수와 가장 가까운 결과가 얻어진다고 하네요.
여기서부터 아이가 쓴 글이고 괄호에 있는 이니셜들은 오류에 대한 지적이고 아래 각 이니셜에 대한 설명이 있습니다.
More and more people are raising dogs these days.
So we need to think about the etiquettes that are related to dogs in the public places.
For one example, if we open a Dog Park, dogs need to wear leashes there.
'Dog-friendly'(UA) park must be wonderful for the dogs, not for all(UC)
First, sometimes people bring not-well-trained or very huge dogs.
They can bite other people or dogs, also can scare people(GS)
When the dogs wear leashes we don't have to be nervous.
Secondly, dogs could get lost without leashes.
When the owner is looking the other way, they could just run away to play with other dogs or to hunt.
So there will be many missing dogs,(MP) and dogs(MP) excrement that couldn't be gotten rid of(MS) just in time would be here and there.
The last problem is that dogs without leashes disturb other people's picnic.
When people enjoy themselves eating their food on a mat, dogs jump into the mat and ruin their picnic.
Once, my family went to the park,(MP) and ate some food on a mat.
Then, a dog without a leash came to our place and ate some of our food.
The rest of the food had to be thrown away to the trash bin.
Many dogs without a leash will cause trouble just like that.
In conclusion, dogs without leashes are not acceptable at a park where many people and dogs enjoy themselves altogether.
To enjoy yourselves, you must be responsible.
So, I suggest that the park should require leashes on dogs at all times.
Error Types GW: Grammar-Word forms (동사변화, 단어형태)
GS: Grammar-Sentence structure (문장 구조)
UA: Usage-Articles (관사 사용)
UP: Usage-Preposition (전치사 사용)
UC: Usage-Conjunctions (접속사 사용) MS: Mechanics-Spelling (철자 오류)
MC: Mechanics-Capitalization (대문자 사용)
MP: Mechanics-Punctuation (문장부호)
OI: Other-Inappropriate words (기타 단어사용 적절성)
* For detailed explanations of each error type, see Self-Study Guide provided within User’s Guide.
여기서부터는 원어민 tutor로부터 첨삭 받은, 그러니까 오류가 수정되어진 essay입니다.
More and more people are raising dogs these days.
So we need to think about the etiquettes that are related to dogs in the public places.
For one example, if we open a Dog Park, dogs need to wear leashes there.
A Dog-Friendly park must be wonderful for the dogs, but not for all
First, sometimes people bring not-well-trained or very huge dogs.
They can bite other people and other dogs. They can also scare people.
When the dogs wear leashes we don't have to be nervous.
Secondly, dogs could get lost without leashes.
When the owner is looking the other way, they could just run away to play with other dogs or to hunt.
So there will be many missing dogs. and A dog's excrement that couldn't be gotten rid off just in time would be here and there.
The last problem is that dogs without leashes disturb other people's picnic.
When people enjoy themselves eating their food on a mat, dogs jump into the mat and ruin their picnic.
Once, my family went to the park. and ate some food on a mat.
Then, a dog without a leash came to our place and ate some of our food.
The rest of the food had to be thrown away to the trash bin.
Many dogs without a leash will cause trouble just like that.
In conclusion, dogs without leashes are not acceptable at a park where many people and dogs enjoy themselves altogether.
To enjoy yourselves, you must be responsible.
So, I suggest that the park should require leashes on dogs at all times.
Tutor Comments
Good points:
The student did well in communicating the main idea of the article. She was able to express herself cleary and approriately but with some minor mistakes. Her mistakes are minimal and it does not affect the general meaning of the sentence or the idea.
Weak points:
She has to practice the use of comma. There are some instances that she used comma too much. I strongly suggest that she should break some sentences instead of combining them into one sentence with the use of a comma.
Try not to repeat same words too much. An example is the word "people." In the second paragraph, you may express the sentence like this: "First, people sometimes bring not well-trained-dogs. Sometimes they bring huge dogs. These dogs can bite and scare others."
Constant practice will help the student improve her sentences. Please let the student continue to write more and more to improve her writing skill. The student can already express her ideas effectively. All she needs is practice.
Evaluation --------------------------------------------------------------------
Content 0/24 아니, good good average 인데 왜 0점이냐고요*.* 이거이 분명 오류 맞죠?
1 Is the essay related to the subject? (stay on topic)--- Good
2 Can you clearly understand the essay? (readability) ---Good
3 Does the writer describe in detail? (sufficient length for the given grade level) ---Average
Organization 19/28
1 Is it in an essay format? (introduction, body, conclusion)--- Good
2 The introduction has a hook, general statement(s), and thesis. ---Good
3 The body is sufficiently detailed, and each paragraph has a topic sentence and supporting ideas. ---Average
4 The conclusion has restatement and opinion. ---Good
5 Each part of the essay is connected with another in logically sound transition. When necessary, the writer uses transitional words or logical connectors effectively. ---Average
Style / Lexical Complexity 14/24
1 Word choices in the essay are specific enough to convey ideas accurately. ---Average
2 The essay is made of sentences with varied structure and length (neither too many short nor too many long sentences). ----Average
3 The essay has few stylistic issues (e.g. overly repeated words, use of slang, ineffective use of passive voice, too many sentences beginning with “And” or “But”). ---Average
Mechanics / Usage / Grammar 15/24
1 Correct mechanics (punctuation, capitalization, spelling) ---Average
2 Proper word usage (articles, prepositions, conjunctions) ---Average
3 Correct verb/word forms (number agreement, helping verbs, etc.) ---Good
4 Proper and consistent use of verb tenses ---Average
5 Correct sentence structure (no incomplete or run-on sentences) ---Average
Overall Score **/100 위의 네 가지 항목을 종합해서 총점이 나왔네요. 제가 **처리했어요.*^^*
한참 부족하고 코멘트대로 많은 연습이 필요한 것 같아요.
점수에 연연하기 보다는 코멘트들을 잘 참고하고 다음 에세이에 반영해 보고 하는 과정에 의미를 두면 좋을 것 같아요. 저희는 앞으로 매주 한 번씩 시도해 볼 계획입니다.
이상 writing 체험 후기였구요.
추운 겨울에 감기 조심하시고 늘 행복하시길 바래요.
또 올게요^^
literacy 
Vocabulary Connections 답지예요^^
[쑥쑥 writing 후기]
최신
이전
안녕하세요 타조알님,
저도 롸이팅 체험을 했는데 원고 제출이 늦어서 아직까지 결과 기다리고 있답니다.
사실 체험수기를 어떻게 적어야지 약간 고민도 되었는데
그냥 님의 글 보니 고민이 한방에 해소되네요.
이렇게 상세한 체험 경험을 적어주셔서 감사드려요.
저는 결과 나오면 간단하게 적고 나머진 타조알님 글 참고하시게 할께요.ㅋㅋ
근데 어린 따님인데도 아주 조리있게 글을 잘 적어내린 것 같네요.
그냥 보기에 완전 왕초보는 아닌거죠?
앞으로 무한한 발전의 가능성이 보이는 따님께 박수를 보내며,
연말 마무리 잘하시고 새해 복 많이 받으세요.
p.s. 롸이팅 체험수기 그냥 님께 묻어가도 괜찮겠죠?