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http://www.suksuk.co.kr/momboard/BEC_001/45165

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ÆÄÀÏÀ» ´Ù¿î·Îµå ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

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¾Æ·¡ÀÇ ÄÁÅÙÃ÷´Â ÃʵîÇлýÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ¿µ¾îÀÛ¹®À» ¿ø¾î¹Î ¼±»ý´ÔÀÌ ½ÇÁ¦·Î ÷»èÁöµµ ÇÑ ³»¿ëÀÔ´Ï´Ù.
¶Ç·¡ ¾ÆÀ̵éÀÇ ¿µ¾îÀÛ¹® °á°ú¸¦ ÅëÇØ ³» ¾ÆÀÌ ÀÛ¹®±âÃʵµ »ì~ÀÛ 엳º¸´Â ±âȸ·Î È°¿ëÇϼ¼¿ä.

 

[ÀÛ¹® ÁÖÁ¦ÀÔ´Ï´Ù]

 What kinds of stories are well-known in your country? Write about a popular story you know.

 

[ÇлýÀÌ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ Essay ¿ø¹®ÀÌ¸ç »¡°£Ç¥½Ã´Â ¿ø¾î¹Î ¼±»ý´ÔÀÌ Ã·»è(¼öÁ¤)ÇÑ ºÎºÐÀÔ´Ï´Ù]

 1. hengbu and 2. Nolbu. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Hengbu and Nolbu 3. was families.
4. But Nolbu was 5. betraya.
6. So 7. hengbu 8. was 9. homeless people.
10. But 11. lottery 12. was helped 13. hengbu.
14. SO 15. henbu 16. was 17. reach and Nolbu 18. was 19. homeless people.
20. hengbu 21. was happiness life!!!
22. THE End

 

[¿ø¾î¹Î ¼±»ý´ÔÀÇ À¯Ç÷º° ÷»è³»¿ëÀÌ¸ç ¾î¶»°Ô ½á¾ß ´õ ¾Ë¸ÂÀº Ç¥ÇöÀÎÁö ¾Ë ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ´ë¸ñÀÔ´Ï´Ù]

 

Spelling/öÀÚ
15. henbu : Hengbu
17. reach : rich,
Grammar_Articles(the, a or an)/°ü»ç
11. lottery : the lottery
Grammar_Prepositions(on, at, from, by, to.....)/ÀüÄ¡»ç
Grammar_Conjunction(and, but)/Á¢¼Ó»ç
4. But : However,
6. So : That is why
10. But : However,
14. SO : Then
Grammar_Capitalization/´ë¼Ò¹®ÀÚ
1. hengbu : Hengbu
2. Nolbu. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . : Nolbu
7. hengbu : Hengbu
13. hengbu : Hengbu
20. hengbu : Hengbu
22. THE : The
Grammar_Conjugation/µ¿»çº¯È­È°¿ë
12. was helped : helped
Grammar_Punctuation/ºÎÈ£»ç¿ë
Essay Format_Sentence Structure/¹®ÀåÀÇ ±¸¼º
9. homeless people : homeless
19. homeless people : homeless
21. was happiness : had a happy
Essay Format_inappropriate Words/´Ü¾î»ç¿ë ÀûÀý¼º
3. was families : were relatives
5. betraya : a traitor (?)
8. was : became
16. was : became
18. was : became

 

[ÇлýÀÌ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ÀÛ¹®¿¡ ´ëÇØ ¿ø¾î¹Î ¼±»ý´ÔÀÌ ¾Æ·¡¿Í °°ÀÌ ÄÚ¸àÆ®¸¦ ³²°Ü Áּ̳׿ä]

I have never heard that story before. It would have been better if you had added more details. Anyway, thank you for trying to share the story. However, it would be best that you learn more about the basic sentence patterns.  It would also be good that you review the parts of an essay. An essay has an introduction, a body, and a conclusion. In addition, the paragraphs should have at least five sentences each, and make sure to put a space between the paragraphs. Use a thesaurus, a dictionary, and the web, or ask your teacher if you are not sure which word to use, or about the spelling of a word. Instead of beginning your sentences with conjunctions, use words or phrases like "however", "in addition", and "that is why". Review the use of articles and prepositions. Remember to always capitalize proper nouns. Write again!


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